Incidentals from the leadership

Is the Labour Party doing okay? Is Len Mccluskey still sane? Is anyone actually worried about these things?

The short answer: No. The upcoming leadership election in the Labour Party has gained so much interior traction that it’s forgotten that a world exists outside committees and secret ballots. Labour’s presence in the papers over the past months has had nought to do with a serious response to the newly minted May, aside from minor policy punts by the would-be usurper, Owen Smith. Truthfully, the man is unassuming, clever in the least offensive kind of way, and as in-demand as a Tony Blair lookalike post-Iraq. Similes aside, Smith is the man for the job, where the job is ‘head of making it obvious how farcical a state the Labour Party is in’. Bereft of any good option, the party is choosing between a man who stands for oblivion, and a man who stands for oblivion. I’ve based that last sentence on an average of the rhetoric of Smith & Corbyn supporters. But who’s telling the truth? Can we actually trust anyone with the party of the North London middle class bourgeoisie workers?

Owen Smith is not an interesting man; he just wants to be a workable solution. He’s taken cues from an ever more divided party by offering advances on Burnham-esque policies, such as full renationalisation of the railways, and even stronger versions of the Miliband stuff that didn’t quite cut the bill last time. Of course most people (or rather, most Labour members; it’s unlikely anyone else is bothered) are gaping at the idea of throwing a figure like £200 billion around. Oddly enough, an absolutely giant payload (no pun intended) of investment in vital services would prove useful. Smith simply hasn’t chosen to inform us of where this money comes from, and whether or not he got it from a backlog of Monopoly games.

However, this is still a pleasant surprise because it represents something that has been sorely lacking from Corbyn’s tenure since roughly the advent of this video, namely any kind of serious policy suggestion. You cannot be a functioning opposition unless you demonstrate to the government what you’d be doing differently. This is something that the next Labour leader should carry through from this contest, even if the winner is a greying socialist timebomb.

It’s easy to stand up and shout declarations of some sort of obscure, pre-planned coup that’s been simmering in the background for months. However, when you consider the state of the Labour party without irony, bias, or a copy of the Communist Manifesto, you can see that a simmering anger wouldn’t be unfounded in hindsight. Corbyn failed to tackle the Conservatives’ cuts to disabled ESA effectively. He failed to recognise seriously inappropriate statements by Ken Livingstone and simply added to the list of times he’s been on the wrong side of history (or indeed the party whip). Perhaps Jeremy Corbyn’s worst crime has been his most impressive feat: taking victory. We now know Corbyn never intended to win. He wasn’t prepared to rule and this was again demonstrated by the lack of big, centre-left names in his original, now destitute shadow cabinet. If there’s one thing I want to see in my lifetime, it’s Ed Miliband back on the frontbench. Or perhaps his brother David, descending from heaven to save us all from what we can now safely label as an attempt by the far left to manipulate a political party that has for the past twenty years won seats on a mandate of social justice, rather than worshipping portraits of Leo (Trostsky, not DiCaprio).

Even those who previously threw themselves behind gears in the Corbynite machine, such as the almighty Owen Jones, now recognise that there have been flaws in Corbyn’s leadership. If we lived in a brighter world, Jones himself might stand to play a greater part in the party; his rhetoric is boundless and his smile avoids the frequented trap of looking slightly too much like you actually hate all plebs. If only it were so easy. With the tools the Labour Party has, it seems more than clear that it should be looking to shape a progressive future in 2020 (or at the snap election that every Tory has fervently denied). To do so, Labour needs a leader that can offer a tour de force. Now that we’ve been pushed into this dangerous, party-threatening, electoral-oblivion-tempting coup, we should deal with it the best we can. So listen to Owen. And also, listen to Owen. Goodness, these names are confusing. And don’t get me started on Jeremys.